Celebrate Life with Rhonda

The turn of the seasons - some practices, and upcoming offerings

2009-12-29T16:31:00.001-06:00

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Happy Holidays!

Are you 'taking advantage' of this opportunity at the turn of the seasons to let go, complete things, and to create space to wonder into what you'd like to create? I hope you are! This is one of my favorite times of the year because the increased hours of darkness invite us to turn inward, be still, and know ourselves deeply .... To contemplate and wonder about who we are, what we desire, and how we can live more authentically and in-tune with our deepest nature. So, from my dining room table -- with the sun streaming in from a window, my Christmas tree nearby with decorations on it from the middle to the top where the newest kitten can't take them down as easily ;), and Steve Gold's 'There is So Much Magnificance' playing on my stereo -- I'll share some suggestions with you for the next few days.

Create some stillness:

* Contemplate what you'd like to let go of. Do you have clothing or items in your home that you haven't used for a year or more, and no specific plan to use in the future? If so, consider giving them away, selling them, moving them out. Make an agreement with yourself with a 'by when' you will take this action.

* Contemplate what you'd like to complete.
- Are there project that you've begun that you'd like to complete? Filing? Clearing your desk? Now is a great time to clear things out by making completions. Make an agreement with yourself by when you'd like to complete, or simply to take the first step toward completion if it's a bigger project.
- Are there projects you've begun that you no longer wish to continue? Consider whether you'd like to change your agreement with yourself about completing something. For example, maybe you began an artistic project that you no longer have energy or passion to finish. You might complete the project by disposing of it - recycling it somehow, etc. This is creating completion by consciously changing your agreement.

* Contemplate completion in your relationships. Is there something important that remains unspoken between you and someone you are close to, or want to be close to? Is this unspoken 'elephant in the room' continually draining your energy as you notice it, and not take action? If so, clear the air. Speaking what is true for you in unarguable ways (i.e. revealing your feelings and needs as a gift / not to transfer responsibility for or to blame) creates flow and closeness in relationships.

* Create space for creativity. Feel your body and your breathing. Shift and move your body anywhere you feel tight or stuck to feel more pleasure. Breathe deeply. Gently move toward your inner sensations, like an inner embrace. Notice where you feel the greatest sense of sweet spaciousness in your body. Breathe into and expand that area. Now float some 'wonder questions.' Hmmmm I wonder how I can express my full creativity ..... I wonder how I can have a great time doing what I love to do .... (add a few of your own.) The idea is not to point your attention directly to the answers, but more to invite and expand the sense of wondering, and the sense of spaciousness you are experiencing. The more time you spend in this 'spacious zone' the more creative you will be in your life. When a specific idea does arise, ask yourself what is the easiest step I mght take today (or soon) toward this creation?

These are practices for this time of year, for a lifetime, and for every day. See how much fun you can have completing and wondering!

Now, here are a few of my upcoming offerings:

** Yearlong Program ** Celebrate Life Yoga Teacher Training and In Depth Study Program at the Healing Arts Center.

(Jan - Nov, 2010)

The training format is ten weekends - one a month starting in January, skipping July, and ending in November 2010. I invite you to check out the details on my website to explore whether this learning opportunity is the answer to your longing for self-transformation in a dedicated community of learners.

** Morning Workshops for Dedicated Yoga Practitioners ** at the Healing Arts Center

Saturday January 16 - 9:00 am to approximately noon
Sunday, January 17 - 8:00 am to approximately 11:00 am
and each other weekend the Yoga Teacher training meets. (All dates and details are on the link above.)

The weekend morning practices are open to all experienced Yoga Practitioners. Workshops will include asana (yoga poses) and some combination of the following: pranayama; meditation; visualization; chanting; relaxation; movement improvisation; ecstatic dance; contemplation and exercises using processes from Nonviolent Communication; The Work of Byron Katie, or Gay & Kathlyn Hendricks; and other transformational and connecting games and practices.

The specific focus of each workshop will be published as the date approaches. These workshops are offered by donation, and no pre-registration is needed. To attend, arrive 10 minutes early for the workshop.

** Weekly Yoga Classes ** at Big Bend Yoga Center

Mondays, 5:45 - 7:15 pm - Level 1-2 (Intermediate)
Mondays, 7:30 - 8:45 pm - Basics (for beginners and people with significant physical limitations)

Classes are offered on a drop-in basis. Please arrive 10 minutes before class begin the first time you attend.

** I will be sharing other upcoming offerings (Nonviolent Communication workshops, etc. ) in the next few weeks as details are solidified. **

Many blessings on your journey!

With spaciousness, love and joy,
Rhonda

~~
Rhonda Mills
St. Louis, Missouri
www.celebratelifewithrhonda.com

The Love Shift

2009-07-22T22:20:00.001-05:00

An invitation:

Bring to mind a time when you felt love. It doesn’t matter which way the love was flowing … it could be a time when you felt especially loved, or when you felt loving toward someone, even a pet, or with nature, or in an experience of meditation or prayer. As you remember, notice how you experience love in your body. What sensations do you notice right now? Stay present with the feeling of love, the sensations you feel, and your breathing. Rest into the experience of love, and let it expand inside you.

It is often the aspects of ourselves that we don’t love which show up when we least want them to. It is the parts of ourselves we don’t love which we bring into our relationships, wishing someone else would love them for us. It is often the part of ourselves we don’t love which we project onto others. However, there is hope. When we learn to love ourselves precisely in the moments we find ourselves the most unlovable, profound change happens.

To love yourself, it’s not necessary to understand yourself fully, to know what causes you to do what you are not liking or even to be connected with feelings and needs you are not meeting. It all starts with your willingness to love, right now. You have the power to bring love to any part of yourself or another, and to any situation. Loving does not imply approval or agreement. Loving is a state of being, and loving creates a shift. It is from the experience of love that learning can happen, growth happens, peace happens, connection happens, insight happens. Everything becomes possible.

I invite you to play with love in this way! What is it that you deny in yourself? Try the love shift…

Appreciating sharing with you,
Rhonda

Including and Abundance

2009-06-30T08:25:00.001-05:00

Hi!

Today I invite you to notice where you think in "or's" and "but's" and to play with the word "and" -- especially when it comes to what you are wanting and needing.

And equals abundance! ... Including all your needs, desires, thoughts, ...all parts of yourself in a hug of wholeness. This is the beginning of experience and creating abundance at the microcosm.

I invite you to make this an easy exploration in this moment ... For example, right now I am wanting to write this note to you -- to connect and contribute -- and needing movement. In this moment, I am sitting in my chair, happily typing this, feet flat on the floor, spine tall and swaying. Bliss!

Warm hug,
Rhonda

Enjoying Your Learning

2009-06-09T14:20:00.001-05:00

Hello,

When I think about what skills are the most helpful in my own life, the first thing that comes to mind is my relationship to learning, especially what happens in the moment that I first become aware of something I didn’t know about myself, or didn’t know I didn’t know.

I remember when I first learned that feeling all feelings was positive and helpful in life and would bring me in connection with my deeper needs and aliveness. I was surprised! I thought some feelings, such as anger and fear, were a bad thing, and if I were feeling those feelings something was wrong. At that time, I didn’t understand the differentiation between feeling feelings and taking actions – for example, feeling angry and expressing myself to another person are two separate steps. When I first started learning about feeling feelings several years ago, my first response was sadness that I hadn’t known how to be with and feel my feelings before, along with some judgment of myself for not knowing how to be with and feel my feelings before.

The moment when a person first learns something they didn’t know before, is the moment I want to draw your attention to. In my experience, bringing awareness to this particular moment is very powerful and can create a big shift in people’s lives. I’m reminded of these stages of learning that I first heard Wes Taylor, a Nonviolent Communication Trainer whom I like and respect, share in a workshop. The four stages of learning are:

1. unconscious incompetence – you don’t know something that would be helpful to you to know; you don’t know you don’t know.

2. conscious incompetence – you have noticed that you don’t know something or have a skill that you’d like to learn or embody. You catch yourself in your old, habitual, way of doing things that is not helpful to you.

3. conscious competence – through awareness and practice, you start to do what you’d like to do, not do what you’d like not to do, and to embody your learning.

4. unconscious competence – you have integrated what you wanted to learn, and it is easy and natural for you.

The moment I am referring to is the beginning moment of step #2. In the moment when you first notice yourself in an old, unconscious or habitual way of doing something that you’d like to change, cultivate a sense of appreciation of yourself for noticing. Acknowledge to yourself that this is progress – this is a step toward mastery!

What currently happens for you when you first become aware of something you didn’t know you didn’t know?

I invite you to wonder how you can love and appreciate yourself for noticing, and make the shift to appreciation. If you’d like, try on this statement out loud to yourself, “hmmm I wonder how I can create friendlier learning for myself …. ?” “mmmm how can I enjoy myself more as my learning unfolds …. ?”

I invite you to share your experiences and learning with me. If you'd like to share publicly and/or see other people's posts, visit and join my 'Celebrate Life with Rhonda' group on facebook, or post here.

With love from my kitchen table and laptop,
Rhonda

Desire - having what we really want

2009-05-31T13:10:00.003-05:00

Hi there,

I’m enjoying a relaxing, sunny morning herein St. Louis.

My topic today is desire.

As I thought about writing this, it seemed so simple. Now as I sit down at my laptop, laughing, I have many thoughts and memories arising, and am remembering many different teachings about desire.

How about Rumi to begin? “Aspiration is the wings of humankind.”

I heard this from one of my teachers, Yogarupa Rod Stryker, who may have been paraphrasing an ancient scripture, “God is both desire in the awakened mind of a sage and one who sees the futility of desire. However, until you have enjoyed and fulfilled the path of desire, do not renounce it.” Even yoga renunciates renounce worldly things because they desire to be closer to God!

Yoga, Nonviolent Communication, and Conscious Living & Loving methodologies all hold desire as life-enhancing. Here’s what I’ve learned:

• Our internal states, our feelings, desires, wants, needs, provide an internal guidance system to help us live authentically and in harmony with our deepest selves and with each other. Suppressing desire isn’t helpful, as what is suppressed often arises again stronger than before. Keep in mind that knowing and accepting what we desire is not the same as taking action. What I’m referring to is coming into harmony with ‘what is’ inside us – being with and breathing with ourselves in a given moment.

• We can best know what we really want and take actions to have what we really want when we’re in a state of contentment and fullness; when we’re in harmony with what is right now.

• To move into the state of contentment, sometimes we need to face and accept something, or feel some feelings, that we haven’t faced, accepted, or felt. This non-resistance liberates us to be content with where we are and what we have or don’t have. Paradoxically, when we’re free-er from the wanting, we also become free-er to have what we want!

• It’s helpful to be connected to the qualities alive in what we want. When we become fully connected and “fulfilled” with the qualities, sometimes we may find we don’t actually want the thing we thought we wanted. And sometimes we still do want it, from a place of inner fullness.

• From knowing and accepting ourselves as we are, including our feelings and desires, we become more whole and enjoy ourselves more. And simultaneously we become more loving and accepting of others. People love being accepted and loved!

So, what do you really want right now? Perhaps it’s a drink of water, or a stretch. Start simple, in the present moment. Many present moments lived in harmony with our deepest desires lead to a life aligned with deepest desire.
I’m celebrating that my own inquiry into what I really want -- which I have been thinking was a relocation for me and my family to California creating a circle of love and beauty around me and the kids -- has, after much facing, accepting and mourning old sadnesses, morphed into wanting to stay right where I am! I’m so delighted with my exploration, and I can tell you, it’s a very different experience for me than it would have been if I had just told myself I really should stay right where I am. I appreciate the dance I do with life, and the surprises and delights that greet me in my commitment to live authentically and in integrity with my essence. Today, I’m celebrating the circle of love and beauty that I am experiencing right where I am.

Here’s to you deeply knowing and having what you want. As you thrive, the whole universe thrives.

Love,
Rhonda

Living Creatively - Commitment

2009-05-26T09:54:00.001-05:00

I love living creatively, each action I take like another brushstroke of paint on the canvas of my life, or the next line in my story. I enjoy making it up as I go along, learning from every situation, loving me unconditionally, and choosing what’s next …

One way I do this is to claim ownership of what’s happening in my life whether I like it or not, like ‘Today is Tuesday and my house is messy.’ Then noticing how I feel and breathing and moving with my feelings, letting myself be. Then wondering what I want… aaah this I my favorite part! As I have clarity about what I want, next is stepping into my willingness to have, be or create what I want, breathing, feeling the fear or whatever feelings emerge as I acknowledge what I want and open myself to the possibility of having it. When I am ready, breathing and flowing with my own willingness, next comes commitment. I experience commitment as a statement to life, the universe, God, that I am a creator. I am taking responsibility for my life. I choose to create! What a miracle to see, feel, and acknowledge my own power as a wondrous, creative human being this way. I step forward, as I say out loud, “I commit to …. ”

Go ahead! I invite you to take on this practice if it’s new to you! Will you share about how things unfold?

Keep in mind, commitment is not just once. There’s choosing, committing, feeling, learning, drifting, choosing again (recommitting), not necessarily in that order. The creative process of life is ongoing.

To life! and to companionship on the journey :)
Rhonda

P.S. I have created a Facebook group called "Celebrate Life with Rhonda" and I invite you to join me there!

Fear

2009-04-08T09:05:00.001-05:00

April 5 at 2:58pm
Hi!

I’m writing to you about a topic near and dear to my heart (and my stomach), and something that I’ve been experiencing, welcoming, dancing with lately: Fear. Lots has been written about it. I know of many perspectives on fear, and ways to deal with it, and I’m guessing you do, too.

What I want to know is: How is your relationship with fear? Do you ‘handle it’? Presence it? Dance with it? Judge it? Ignore it? Feel it? Play with it? Magnify it? Empathize with it? Transcend it? Transform it? Something else…?

What’s fear like for you? How does it feel? When you’re scared, how do you know you’re scared?

Hmmmmm, I wonder…

Sometimes when I feel scared, I notice it first as a sensation in my body – such as a clenching under my ribs. Sometimes I notice fear as a quickening of my heartbeat, and a (sometimes subtle) jerking, flinching, surging sensation through my body, rather than the flow and relaxation that is often present inside me. Sometimes I experience myself stopping – holding my breath briefly after a shallow inhale, or abruptly stopping / freezing my shoulders – and it is not until the next breath begins that I notice that I had been ‘stopped,’ afraid.

Sitting in my office chair downstairs writing this, I feel some tension under my collarbones. I notice a voice inside saying that I am not ready to be writing to you – that I have not grown and developed enough yet, and that I should wait. This voice wants to protect me and keep me safe, and also to keep my life predictable. Also, underneath this voice is a desire to excel at what I do. I’m breathing, noticing my collarbones expanding and lightening, and feeling a knot under my ribs. As I breath, the sensation under my ribs grows and grows. Now it’s excitement! I’m asking the voice who desires excellence to help me be as excellent as I can in writing this to you, and as excellent as I can be in my life. Yes! I’m writing this to you now from a unified sense inside me, excited, eager to share, open, ready to learn, and ready to accept whatever happens. Feels like I am all here now. Zowie!

I am curious about how fear can affect taking action (or not taking action), and have been wondering what I can learn about fear, action, and timing for the last several weeks. What I’ve noticed is that when I’m afraid and relax deeply into acceptance and welcoming everything happening inside me, sometimes the sensations of fear dissolve within seconds and I easefully shift into action. At other times, it is as if the fear is calling me to rest, lay low, be still, to integrate, breathe, and just love and accept myself as I am in that moment. To love myself just because. I find that taking action, especially forceful action, when something deep within my being is calling for rest creates a split inside me. Through presence, love, and openness to learning, I’m resting into a more trusting experience with life more often than I ever have before. I feel an expansion in my throat and jaw, like a sunrise. Marvelous!

One tangible result of my recent explorations of fear is that I am finding myself consistently able to be more present with the people I am close to, even in situations where previously I didn’t have the capacity. This is a big celebration to me. Right now I am thinking of my children, and how much I like feeling close to them … my heart feels warm.

I’m celebrating all the people who have joined this group so far, celebrating so many wise ones who I know and love from the Para Yoga, NVC, and Conscious Loving communities. Will you share something about how you experience fear and what that is like for you?

I feel so happy when I imagine us sharing about fear, learning, being in community.

Joy!
Rhonda

P.S. This letter was originally posted to my 'Celebrate Life with Rhonda' group on facebook.

New Year's Resolutions - Creating Lasting Change

2009-01-03T00:06:00.005-06:00

January 3, 2009

Happy Creation Time ….

New Year’s, for many, is a time to evaluate how life is going, a time of setting goals and making resolutions. Or for some, a time when they remember they’ve given up making resolutions, discouraged about lack of success in creating lasting change in their lives.

How can we create lasting change in our lives?

Basically, the only reason we don’t make a change that we say we want to make is that, at some level we’re more committed, either consciously or unconsciously, to what we’re already doing (or not doing). In other words, what we are currently doing—or not doing—is meeting more needs than the change we wish to make.

Often the needs that are being met by the experience we are already having are in the shadows of our consciousness -- are unknown or unacknowledged by ourselves at some level. By accepting ourselves, choosing to love ourselves and what we are currently experiencing (including actions/inactions, thoughts, feelings—all of it), we open to ourselves. Through unconditional self-love, we each open to our deepest self.

This self-love frees us from our aversion to what we are afraid to see, or know, about ourselves. We are free to wonder, “hmmmmm what beautiful quality am I attempting to fulfill by what I am currently doing/not doing?” “How can I appreciate my effort to fulfill this beautiful quality, however unhappy I may be that I’ve been doing it unconsciously?” “hmmmm what can I learn from this ….. I wonder how I can continue to fulfill this quality, maybe even more fully than I am currently experiencing AND make the change I’d like to make?” “hmmmmmmmmm, I wonder…..”

“I won’t look! I won’t see! No – that’s ugly, bad!” In my own experience with aversion to seeing a part of myself that I haven’t welcomed, or feeling feelings such as anger that I’ve been conditioned by our culture to believe are “inappropriate” or “bad”, I have an image of myself as a stubborn 2-year old, with my jaw clenched and my hands covering my eyes or my ears. She likes to hide under the covers, or stand up and stomp her foot. “NO” is her favorite word. I feel so grateful for her. She helps me set boundaries in my life. She’s a gift to me. I’m grateful that I’ve learned to know and love her, and that I get opportunities to choose to love her, and to play with her, again and again.

Knowing ourselves deeply equals power. Knowing why we do (or don’t do) whatever it is we are currently experiencing, is powerful. When we know and accept/welcome/love ourselves at that level, we touch ourselves right at the very place of choice and creativity. The place where we can make another choice, if we wish. A choice that arises not out of ‘against-ness’ to any part of us, but rather out of ‘with-ness’ of whatever it is that we would like to embody or experience.

To me, this is living life creatively. And the process of exploration into this deep inner place of power and wellspring of creativity, and back out into manifesting and embodying the change I want to be, is life’s greatest adventure, greatest promise, and greatest gift.

I’m reminded of a verse from the Upanishad’s, an ancient Yogic text, which I will paraphrase this way --- through practice (and it’s referring to the deep inner contemplation and practice such as I’m writing about, along with cultivating the steadiness of mind and nervous system that supports this deep inner work) it is possible to overcome any obstacle, and to achieve ‘almost’ anything your heart desires.

Happy Creation!

Note: I draw from processes of Compassionate Nonviolent Communication, Para Yoga, and Body Mind Vibrance to facilitate these changes in myself and others.

Honoring Darkness and the Inner Landscape during Winter Solstice

2008-12-22T14:19:00.003-06:00

Here is an excerpt from my Yoga class focus today, December 22, 2008, honoring Winter Solstice.

During this season of Winter Solstice, we celebrate darkness. Winter Solstice, which this year is December 21, 2008, is the day of the year when we have the fewest daylight hours.

During this time, we can harmonize with life’s rhythms and honor our connection with earth seasons by cultivating our connection with darkness. To paraphrase one of my teachers, Pandit Rajmani Tigunait, we can learn more and grow more spiritually by turning toward the darkness of our psyches than by turning towards the light. This is the perfect season for such a turning to our inner landscapes, often hidden from awareness due to a busier, more external focus. This season is an invitation to open to the darkness inside of us, knowing and trusting that beauty and underlying essence of life is omni-present.

For clarity, it may be helpful now to refer to a drawing of mind created by Swami Rama of the Himalayas. I invite you to draw this for yourself… He draws a large square with an ‘X’ from corner to corner. In each of the four triangles with the square are the four parts of mind: 1 – left side) Manas: the activity and movement of mind and the ever-present stimulation through the senses, 2 – top side) Ahamkara: the walls or structure of our identity formed by fixed concepts/ideas/beliefs about ourselves, others, and life, 3 – bottom side) Citta: the deep well which holds the seeds of all our thoughts, core beliefs, tendencies to act, and the potential of all humanity, sometimes known as the subconscious, unconscious and the collective unconscious; and 4 – right side) Buddhi: the ray or beam of deep intuition, the discerning wisdom part of the mind. To the right of buddhi is a big circle attached to the right side of the square. This circle represents Purusha, Jiva, also known as the individual soul. Gradually, through spiritual practice, the line between buddhi and the individual soul thins and disappears, so that buddhi is informed directly from the Soul. As Buddhi becomes more refined, it is known as Dhi. Around the whole picture is a larger circle, which is universal soul, or Atman.

Darkness is Citta, and aspects of Ahamkara which are unconscious to us. In our Citta lies the seeds of our Soul’s beauty and greatness, the seeds of destiny, as well as the seeds of the tendencies which cause us to suffer, and to hurt ourselves and others. Depending on our spiritual practice and life choices, some of these seeds will bloom, bear fruit, and manifest fully in our lives, and some of them won’t. The power and responsibility of which ones bloom and which one’s do not in your own life is up to you and chosen by you – either consciously or unconsciously. To me, this is one of the greatest gifts of being human – this freedom, this choice, and this creativity to determine which seeds we will water, and what and who we will become.

Today our yoga practice will include three approaches to darkness – utilizing three distinct Yogic paths.

From Raja yoga or Patanjali yoga, we cultivate steadiness and stability of body and nervous system, in order to align with our inner observer. From this ‘seat’ we can witness whatever arises in the psyche, unaffected by and unattached to what we are witnessing. When we witness and observe, the seeds from Citta do not root and grow in our lives. For those of you who practice the process of Nonviolent Communication (NVC), this approach correlates to one of the 4 components of NVC – observations. Wes Taylor, one of my favorite NVC Trainers, said, “observation is the doorway we pass through for any spiritual practice.”

Tantra Yoga is approach to working with life energy in a multitude of ways. In our practice today, we will work with energy in a particular way to facilitate lightening the grooves of our unconscious tendencies and emptying the deeper contents of mind (Citta) as well as releasing accumulated tension in the body and nervous system. Apana Vayu is the name of this letting go energy. With this approach, we focus on the sensations of energy in the body, rather than observing the contents which are being released.

In Bhakti Yoga, we recognize that all feeling and all expressions of life, regardless of how they appear externally, are actually manifestations of love and the divine. In this approach, all experience is openly welcomed, felt deeply through the heart and the body to the universal quality and essential energy of love which is at its source. This is an approach of love, feeling, trust, surrender and devotion to source. In the process of NVC, this correlates to the components of ‘feelings’ and ‘universal human qualities or needs.’

Blessings to you during this season. I invite you to gift yourself with some kind of ceremony or ritual to honor your own darkness and beauty, and to celebrate the gift of life.

I'd love to hear your comments about what I've written, and invite your feedback.

Lots of love,

Rhonda

Community and NVC in St. Louis

2008-10-18T15:35:00.008-05:00

Last evening, Kelsey LaPointe, Hillary Melechen and I co-hosted a St. Louis NVC Community Gathering to share food, connection, NVC learning and practice.

After receiving very few R.S.V.P.'s by mid-week (just one at that time) I decided to relocate the gathering to my home for ease and intimacy. By Friday evening, I had R.S.V.P.'s for 12 adults and 2 children (as well as my own) to attend the gathering. I was a bit nervous that everyone would fit into my small living room, but everyone did.

I feel so excited and happy remembering this event last night:
... the delicious food,
... the 5 newbies to NVC who attended,
.... the several who were more experienced with NVC
.... Hillary's courage and 'jumping into the pool' in facilitating our opening connection exercise,
.... the input from the more experienced NVC-er's contributing to learning for everyone,
.... the warm feeling I experienced seeing pairs practicing 'empathy' with each other spread all over the main floor of my home,
.... the celebration of hearing people's met needs
.... the guidance of one of the participants, Sherry Summers, to suggest I lead a 'living energy of needs' meditation, which to me was such a contribution to the evening,
.... the curiosity and desire one of the participants expressed to continue a conversation to continue learning about needs, NVC-style,
.... the sound of girls singing downstairs,
.... the support of my children to host the visiting children and share the space of our home with visitors,
.... the beauty of the NVC process to create connection and community, even when people meet for the first time,

My heart is filled with joy about community, shared learning, contribution and meaning. What a wonderful life!

Celebrating Community - NVC Style

2008-08-16T23:36:00.005-05:00

This weekend, Jeff Brown and I co-led two trainings on Compassionate Nonviolent Communication (NVC) at the First Divine Science Church in St. Louis, Missouri. We led an introduction to NVC Friday evening, and an intermediate session Saturday morning.

I feel happy and warm inside remembering both events, and reconnecting with some people in the St. Louis NVC community I hadn't seen for a while.

Following the training this morning, we gathered for a potluck lunch, followed by a St. Louis NVC community organizing meeting, attended by me and five others. At that meeting, the group did some brainstorming for a mission for St. Louis NVC, and also began to explore some strategies about how we'd like to contribute to more NVC in our area.

Over the three years I've been practicing and learning NVC, I've been struck by the quality of connection I have experienced with others at NVC workshops and trainings. In my experience, practicing this process supports people to shift into a state of connectedness that makes relating very sweet. I'm hopeful about joining with others locally in St. Louis who wish to be part of creating NVC community here.

If that is intriguing to you, I invite you to let me know and to join us in some way, such as an NVC community gathering, a training, or an organizational meeting!

In heart,
Rhonda

The Body and Consciousness

2008-08-11T00:28:00.006-05:00

As you may have noticed, the human mind tends to get in ruts, and to repeat itself. We can see this in the way that our patterns (some of them not so pleasant) tend to repeat in our lives. Many people utilize affirmations as a way to change, or attempt to change, these patterns that are not helpful.

In my experience, affirmations can be helpful. However, for me, affirmations have not been the most helpful way to create deep and lasting change. That is because, according to yoga, the spoken word affects only the conscious mind, and not the subconscious and unconscious, which is where these deep patterns (known as samskaras in sanskrit) actually reside.

When we want to make changes at this deeper level, there are several ways we may go about that. Some ways are yoga nidra, a very deep form of relaxation, which is what yogis practice, and which is why some yoga masters actually need very little sleep. Other more modern ways to access this deeper mind include 'morning pages' or stream of consciousness writing, which I learned about in the book The Artist's Way. There are very effective manifestation practices which exist in Tantric Yoga, some of which I have learned from my teacher Yogarupa Rod Stryker, which can be learned from someone initiated in this lineage. There is also the practice of writing your affirmation, followed by writing what thoughts immediately come to mind following that (which is your unconscious mind's way of telling you what you really currently believe), and which can start to dissolve, simply by your witnessing it. There are also practices involving art, and writing with your non-dominant hand. NVC, one of my passions, also includes processes to shift these deep patterns, or core beliefs.

My favorite, fun, quick and profound way to experience, feel, and shift deep patterns, is through movement. Gay & Kathlyn Hendricks have developed some ways to use natural body language and body gestures to help us uncover unconscious messages which surface, moment to moment. With this awareness, there are several oh-so-simple techniques, involving the body and breath, to shift to an experience of Essence (or is-ness, freedom from ego). They are so simple that I have shared them with my children, as play. Today, using these simple shifts, I played with my ex-husband, whom - if you know me well - you may know I have not played with in a very long time. I celebrate using this play to shift some patterns that I have been stuck in for over twenty years! I'd love to share it with you -- to learn more about what I'm doing with this work, contact me.

Celebrating a NVC Dance Floors Training

2008-06-11T22:44:00.004-05:00

Last weekend I was in Columbus, Ohio participating in a Nonviolent Communication training, which included two tracks: Developing Fluency with NVC Dance Floors and Facilitating with NVC Dance Floors.

This training was led by Gina Lawrie of the U.K., co-founder of NVC Dance Floors, and my partner, Jeff Brown, NVC Trainer and U.S. Distributor of the NVC Dance Floors. I am thrilled and grateful to have the opportunity to contribute at this training as an assistant trainer, and to support Gina, Jeff, and the participants in the training. I learned so much! As I remember this workshop, I am also celebrating creativity and effectiveness in the design of the workshop which had two tracks which participants could move freely between in each session.

The NVC Dance Floors include NVC processes (created by the founder of NVC, Dr. Marshall Rosenberg). Each step of the process is on a card laid on the floor in a specific order. People 'dance' through the processes, moving their body to the card which is the step of the process they are on. There is not a specific beginning or ending place in the processes--the dancer simply goes to the step which represents their present internal state. To me, practicing NVC Dance floors is a way to engage more fully and wholly in the process of NVC, using visual, spatial, kinesthetic, and auditory forms of learning.

In NVC, we are working with consciousness. A major part of this work is for us to differentiate aspects of consciousness, so we can connect with ourselves in the fullest and most life-affirming way. I love bringing the work of NVC to the dance floors, because for me there is even more clarity in differentiating [the parts of consciousness and parts of each process] by moving the body to the card which represents what's going on inside. And, similar to the yogic practice of Vichara (more about that coming soon), this differentiation or taking apart leads to a "wholling"-- a coming together and rejoining of all the parts in a way that is healing and beautiful.

Can you tell I like this approach?

At this training, I had the opportunity to see and to support dancers (and people who were coaching dancers) through many processes. I am struck by the healing quality of empathic presence which to me is made so clear in NVC. I had many experiences in this training of seeing others coach and support dancers in their process where the air was 'thick' with the tangible, healing quality of empathy and love. And to see people 'blooming' as they received that empathic presence and love. Wow.

I am so moved by this work!

I am grateful to Tom Carlisi for hosting me, Jeff, and Gina, and so, so deeply appreciate his welcome, generosity, sense of fun, and dance ability! I also celebrate the warmth and depth of the Columbus NVC Community, including connections I made for the first time, and people I had the pleasure to get to know better. Thanks, too, to Tracy Wimberly and Andy Workum of Compassionate Communication of Central Ohio (www.nvcohio.org) for organizing and hosting the training, and contributing so much to the dynamic NVC Community in Ohio.

With love,

Rhonda

Love and the Living Energy of Needs

2008-05-31T18:26:00.002-05:00

A few weeks ago, my partner and I attended a weekend seminar at Unity Village near Kansas City, Missouri with Byron Katie.

Afterwards we were talking about how Katie seems to emanate love, even when she responds to people with words of praise or encouragement or labelling, such as "You're so sweet." (Which in the process of Nonviolent Communication--NVC for short--we often consider to be obstacles to connection, even if the words are positive, because when we say what we think someone *is* we in essence separate ourselves from them.)

This reminds me how people's intentions behind the words they say are so much more powerful than the words themselves.

I love how NVC is two parts (because the second part helps me with the first part!):

1) A consciousness of love, of interconnectedness, of beingness; and

2) A set of tools including observation, feeling, need, request which help us to focus attention on what goes on inside us, in ways that help us live in the consciousness. This is helpful, because often we are not aware that we are thinking or focusing our attention in ways that separate us from our essence, and from life. Using these tools helps us to become more aware, and to reconnect with the energy of life, through connecting with the Living Energy of Needs.

When we are living in the consciousness, the 'words as tools' become superfluous, as in Katie's example.

I am so inspired by her presence and her love! (In formal NVC, being with her and hearing how she responded to participants beautifully met my needs for presence, love, and wisdom!)

Warmly,
Rhonda

2008-05-30T23:02:00.004-05:00

Hello,

I feel so happy and grateful for what I'm learning by practicing and teaching Nonviolent Compassionate Communication.

I've been playing ... and would like to share with you this "NVC Overview Page" -- including NVC assumptions, intention, and spiritual practice -- which I put together. This page has been inspired by my own exploration of NVC, influenced mostly by Robert Gonzales and Susan Skye, and also Myra Walden, Jeff Brown, Eckhart Tolle, and integrated with my learning of Rod Stryker's Para Yoga (which I've been studying since 2003.)

I'd enjoy hearing what comes alive in you reading this!

Warmly,
Rhonda

NVC Overview Page

Assumption:

There is a consciousness that is recognized in NVC which is sometimes called NVC Consciousness, Universal Consciousness, or in the Supreme Reality. Some aspects of this consciousness are:

· Interconnection: Human beings are interconnected to each other to Life. All human beings have the same feelings and needs.

· Compassion: When our needs are met, human beings are compassionate by nature. Contribution is one of the most powerful human needs.

· Abundance: there is unlimited creativity, resourcefulness, and compassion possible in human beings, and in life.

· Awareness and Power: Human beings are more powerful that we imagine. Research shows that most human beings only use about 2% of our brain capacity. By growing our Awareness and Intention to have “power with” relationships with others, we can transform our lives and this world so that we hold everyone’s needs with loving care.

Intention:

To move toward living in this Universal Consciousness in each moment. To do this by being connected to what’s alive in ourselves and others, and holding all needs with loving care. To this end, NVC has some tools available that apply to language, thought, and power.

Tools:

NVC provides a map (tools and processes) to help us live in Universal Consciousness. Remember, the map is not the destination (intention). One of the pitfalls of using these tools is getting so involved in them that you forgot your intention and get caught up in the mechanics.

Obstacles / Opportunities to Grow Awareness:

· Thinking that Disconnects - Some kinds of thinking separate us from this Universal Consciousness, limit our experience in life, and limit our connection with others. When we become aware we are separating ourselves from Life, we can choose to transform this thinking to bring ourselves back into alignment with the flow with Life.

· Mechanical use of NVC tools – Remember that using the map or tools of NVC is not the same as the Intention to be in Universal Consciousness. Using the tools is a way to fulfill the intention.

· Demand, expectation or attachment to a certain outcome. When this comes up, it is an opportunity to observe & see what consciousness (thoughts, beliefs) is stimulating it. NVC helps us embody a consciousness of acceptance and peace about what is alive, unattached to outcome. Beyond acceptance is .. Enjoyment ….Enthusiasm

· Scarcity Mindset – thinking that there is not enough of something, enough time, enough money, enough love. When this comes up, it is an opportunity to observe and see what consciousness (thoughts, beliefs) is stimulating it. NVC helps us embody a consciousness of Abundance.

Moment to moment practices:

· Connection with myself: Perceiving my own needs and values and how they are being met or not being met.

· Connection with others: Perceiving the other's needs and values and how they might be met or not met.

Created by Rhonda Mills

What is Tantric Hatha Yoga?

2008-05-09T12:50:00.001-05:00

Tantric Hatha Yoga is an ancient system of working with the body, mind, and heart to reduce suffering, enrich life, purify and revitalize the systems of the body, and ultimately, to remember and rest in your best self, the real you, an ever-lasting source of tranquility. Yoga is a ritual which we offer our body and mind to the flame of awareness that is our true Self. The highest state of yoga is self-knowledge.

Hatha Yoga is so much more than asana or physical poses. There are 5 sheaths, or coverings, of the Soul, and the body is one of them, known as the Anna Maya Kosha--or food body. Other sheaths include Prana Maya Kosha (energy body), Mana Maya Kosha (lower mind or sense mind), Vijnana Maya Kosha (higher mind or intuition), and Ananda Maya Kosha (bliss sheath), and finally - the Soul, known as Purusha or Jiva Atman. In Hatha Yoga, we may work at the level of any of the koshas, although generally we work from the most gross or dense (the physical body) to the more subtle (Vijnana Maya Kosha & Ananda Maya Kosha). Specific kinds of practices address each sheath.

According to the Hatha Yoga Pradipika, anyone who has been impacted by spiritual, mental, environmental, or physical pain can be helped by Hatha Yoga. If you are practicing asana (yoga poses), then according to the Yoga Sutras, you can judge the quality of your asana practice by how stable you remain in the midst of change in your life.

The reach and affect of Tantric Hatha Yoga include and consist of the following:
- The Physical Systems (muscular, skeletal, respiratory, circulatory, and the nervous system)
- Steadiness and stability of mind and body
- Balance of the mind - preparation for meditation
- Devotional
- As a tool for self-reflection
- Energy - 1) Undoing energetic blocks in the body and collecting and channeling energy, and 2) Chakras & Prana Vayus (awakening, purifying, and balancing energy)
Progress - physically, mentally, spiritually
- Awaken Shakti / Kundalini
- Care for the body as a fit vehicle for the Divine to shine through
- Tools and practices from Classical Yoga, Tantra, and Ayurveda* include:
Asana, Pranayama (breathing and breath retention), Relaxation and Yoga Nidra, Chanting, Meditation, Contemplation, Visualization, Kriya, Mudra (gesture),
Bandha (energetic seal), Bhakti (Love and devotion), Rituals to connect to self, others, earth, and the Divine.

What is Sacred Movement?

2008-05-04T23:24:00.001-05:00

Movement and dance is one way to experience the truth, the beauty, and the fullness of who we are. It is an accessible way for people to experience themselves as alive--as pure, sacred energy. Dancing is cathartic on many levels, freeing emotions and energy which have become locked in the body, unexpressed.

All of our life's experiences-- thoughts, feelings, words, and actions--are recorded in the body at the cellular level, and layers of being that are even more subtle than the physical. Trauma (samskara) causes the flow of life to be dammed, and it can create illness, dis-ease, stagnation in life, and a drain of energy. Dancing, along with awareness and witness consciousness, unlocks blocked energy and emotion which was not expressed and released fully at the time it occurred. As we dance, we connect to all parts of ourselves, all the characters in our inner play, and to Soul Essence or Purusha.

The more connected we are to our essence, the more we are able to see and experience the inherent beauty in all beings. As we dance, our love unfolds--love for the sacred body, for the individual human soul (Purusha), and for all that is.

NVC in St. Louis, Missouri

2008-05-04T23:22:00.001-05:00

To learn about what is going on in with Nonviolent Compassionate Communication in St. Louis, Missouri, visit www.stlouisnvc.org.

Would you like to be more involved in the NVC community locally? Join our St. Louis yahoo groups:

to discuss and practice NVC online locally, email to stlnvc-discussion-subscribe@yahoogroups.com, or click here.

to hear announcements about NVC workshops, classes, practice groups happening locally, email to stlnvc-announce-subscribe@yahoogroups.com, or click here.

What is Compassionate Nonviolent Communication (NVC)?

2008-05-04T23:09:00.003-05:00

Nonviolent Communication (NVC)

awakens empathy and honesty
and is sometimes described as "Compassionate Communication,"
“the Language of the Heart,” or “the Yoga of Communication.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’m not a violent person, so what can the NVC process offer me?

This is a common question when people read the term “Nonviolent Communication.”

The word "nonviolent" in Nonviolent Communication refers to the term as Gandhi used it when he spoke of the absence of violence in the human heart. In Nonviolent Communication or NVC, we recognize that certain language we use dehumanizes other people, or disconnects or dissociates us from those people. By using NVC, we seek to stay connected to the beautiful life-energy within us and other people.

NVC is both a spiritual practice that helps us see our common humanity, and a concrete set of skills which help us to live more peacefully. These skills apply to thought, language, and a commitment to "power with," rather than "power over/under." NVC is a learnable process for creating emotional freedom, self-acceptance, inner peace, and fulfilling relationships. It involves expressing ourselves honestly, listening with empathy, and developing a more compassionate inner relationship. People around the world are using NVC skills to transform conflict, create harmony in their relationships, and build a world where everyone's needs are met through natural giving and receiving, and without the use of coercion or violence.

NVC was created by clinical psychologist and international peacemaker Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, whose work is now supported and promoted by the global Center for Nonviolent Communication (CNVC).

NVC helps people to:

* speak in a way that inspires compassion and understanding
* initiate difficult conversations with more ease and confidence
* remain centered and peaceful while hearing difficult messages
* express anger fully, safely and respectfully - yet powerfully
* shift patterns of thinking that lead to depression, guilt, shame
* enliven yourself by expressing and receiving gratitude
* translate criticism, judgments and blame into life-serving messages
* resolve long-standing conflicts and heal painful relationships
* inspire others to change their behavior willingly.

NVC guides us to reframe how we express ourselves, how we hear others and resolve conflicts by focusing our consciousness on what we are observing, feeling, needing, and requesting.

NVC Workshops provide the opportunity to learn the process, and to learn practical tools which help to apply and integrate the consciousness into your life. Learning and practicing NVC in workshops often meets my needs for inspiration, learning, personal growth, as well as community, support, and play.